It is something to try to do the assignments that I parcel out. I have been struggling over writing about my greatest or worst learning experiences for a couple of weeks now… Originally I was going to write about the birth and death of my daughter Jacqueline…but those 36 hours were really just 36 hours in my life. Although the little time I had with Jacqueline, October 5-7, 1999, was powerful and is emblazoned in my memory, the impact that Jacqueline had on my life was far greater than those three days. 18 months after Jacqueline passed away, my brother Johnny at the age of 28 died of a heroin overdose. A week after my brother died, I gave birth to my son Braden, and 18 months later I gave birth to my daughter Georgia. 5 years later, my grandmother, Gladys passed away at the age of 96. In the last decade I have had a front seat to the cycle of life and it has provided me with my most poignant lessons.
In a way my daughter Jacqueline made me believe in nothing…but myself. Enduring losing her made me reconsider how I was choosing to live my life. Her loss led me to believing in myself in a way that I never had previously. I realized that I needed to be a force in my own life, that I could not allow myself to let life keep happening to me. If I was in an unacceptable situation, I needed to change it for me and for my children. Not taking control of my life had resulted in dire consequences for me, but more importantly for my children. If I did not become a force in my own life, I would continue in a destructive existence that was unfulfilling and suffocating. Jacqueline’s death and the feelings of loss that resulted, made me realize that life is finite and that I could not assume that things will work out because it should, shouldn’t it? I came to realize that I could not assume that the worst thing I could imagine would not happen – it already had. I got pretty good at imagining the worst things that could happen. As time continued to pass and I lost my brother and then my grandmother, I realized I could sit back and just let things keep happening to me or I could try to enact positive changes in my life.
On the plus side the losses I have experienced taught me that I am stronger than I ever imagined. I realized I can and will survive any situation in which I find myself. I have come to believe that there is power in feeling my losses, grieving them and then going on to live more fully, honoring those who are gone. It might sound cliché, but for me it is true that facing the sadness, the devastation, has allowed me feel the joy that is possible in the simplest experiences like watching my other children as they grow, reading a book, walking outside, or laughing with a friend over nothing. I have realized that happiness is not necessarily a destination, but rather a matter of embracing and appreciating everyday moments as they are intermixed with the seemingly endless trials of life. There is no guarantee that people that are in your life today will be here tomorrow. People die, cherished friends fade in and out of our lives, so I want to appreciate and enjoy them while they are here.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
The More Loving One
The More Loving One
W. H. Auden
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well That, for all they care, I can go to hell, But on earth indifference is the least We have to dread from man or beast. How should we like it were stars to burn With a passion for us we could not return? If equal affection cannot be, Let the more loving one be me. Admirer as I think I am Of stars that do not give a damn, I cannot, now I see them, say I missed one terribly all day. Were all stars to disappear or die, I should learn to look at an empty sky And feel its total dark sublime, Though this might take me a little time.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Halloween in Regland...
Halloween in our house has historically been a HUGE deal. I used to plan my kids costumes in the summer. There were elaborate plans, big purchases...much hype. Often my kids were Star Wars characters - Luke skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, Jango Fett, Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan... We have also had Dorothy and the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, Harry Potter galore, George Washington, Ninjas...I shudder to think of the money that was spent on these costumes. The only saving thought I have here is that my children have always been REALLY into imaginative play and wore the heck out of those costumes. I think that my exuberance for Halloween has been burnt out. This year I did not plan anything ahead of time. A week before Halloween three of my kids announced that they were going to be football players and for the most part they had everything they were going to wear in their closets. Wally did decide to be Harry Potter for the second time in his life, but I given the amount of time he spends reading and rereading the books, I was willing to buy him another Harry costume that should fit him for years to come. He really did make an awesome Harry Potter! This year my kids planned their costumes and they did not notice that my approach was different. This was their deal and they were just as happy with how it turned out and I barely spent any money. It just goes to show that the amount of money that goes into an endeavor does not necessarily impact it's success. There is so much hype around Halloween and getting the "right" costume too many of us get sucked in. I am closing the door on that phase. Cha-Ching....
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Opinionnaire
Tonight in class we had one of the most interesting discussions that we have ever had in FSS....Students had to give their initial, gut reactions to 12 statements. They had to decide if they strongly agree, agree, disagree, or strongly disagree with each statement. The statements were:
1. All men are created equal.
2. Girls should act like girls.
3. It's okay to be different.
4. Nobody is all bad or all good.
5. Some words are so offensive that they should never be stated or written.
6. Under our justice system, all citizens are treated fairly in our courts of law.
7. The old adage, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you" is true.
8. Speaking standard grammar proves that a person is smart.
9. A hero is born, not made.
10. No one is above the law.
11. Education is the great equalizer.
12. When the law does not succeed in punishing criminals, citizens should do so.
I learned a lot about my students today....It was very enlightening.
1. All men are created equal.
2. Girls should act like girls.
3. It's okay to be different.
4. Nobody is all bad or all good.
5. Some words are so offensive that they should never be stated or written.
6. Under our justice system, all citizens are treated fairly in our courts of law.
7. The old adage, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you" is true.
8. Speaking standard grammar proves that a person is smart.
9. A hero is born, not made.
10. No one is above the law.
11. Education is the great equalizer.
12. When the law does not succeed in punishing criminals, citizens should do so.
I learned a lot about my students today....It was very enlightening.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Miscellaneous
Miscellaneous is as Miscellaneous does...and Miscellaneous should be done outside of class, actually after it has already taken place. Just sayin. True? True.
Greatest and Worst Learning Experiences
Lessons Learned
It is something to try to do the assignments that I parcel out. I have been struggling over writing about my greatest or worst learning experiences for a couple of weeks now… Originally I was going to write about the birth and death of my daughter Jacqueline…but those 36 hours were really just 36 hours in my life (I may write about them later). Although the little time I had with Jacqueline, October 5-7, 1999, was powerful and is emblazoned in my memory, the impact that Jacqueline had on my life was far greater than those three days. 18 months after Jacqueline passed away, my brother Johnny at the age of 28 died of a heroin overdose. A week after my brother died, I gave birth to my son Braden, and 18 months later I gave birth to my daughter Georgia. 5 years later, my grandmother, Gladys passed away at the age of 96. In the last decade I have had a front seat to the cycle of life and it has provided me with my most poignant lessons.
In a way my daughter Jacqueline made me believe in nothing…but myself. Enduring losing her made me reconsider how I was choosing to live my life. Her loss led me to believing in myself in a way that I never had previously. I realized that I needed to be a force in my own life, that I could not allow myself to let life keep happening to me. If I was in an unacceptable situation, I needed to change it for me and for my children. Not taking control of my life had resulted in dire consequences for me, but more importantly for my children. If I did not become a force in my own life, I would continue in a destructive existence that was unfulfilling and suffocating. Jacqueline’s death and the feelings of loss that resulted, made me realize that life is finite and that I could not assume that things will work out because it should, shouldn’t it? I came to realize that I could not assume that the worst thing I could imagine would not happen – it already had. I got pretty good at imagining the worst things that could happen. As time continued to pass and I lost my brother and then my grandmother, I realized I could sit back and just let things keep happening to me or I could try to enact positive changes in my life.
On the plus side the losses I have experienced taught me that I am stronger than I ever imagined. I realized I can and will survive any situation in which I find myself. I have come to believe that there is power in feeling my losses, grieving them and then going on to live more fully, honoring those who are gone. It might sound cliché, but for me it is true that facing the sadness, the devastation, has allowed me to feel the joy that is possible in the simplest experiences like watching my other children as they grow, reading a book, walking outside, or laughing with a friend over nothing. I have realized that happiness is not necessarily a destination, but rather a matter of embracing and appreciating everyday moments as they are intermixed with the seemingly endless trials of life. There is no guarantee that people that are here today will be here tomorrow, people die, cherished friends fade in and out of our lives, so I want to appreciate and enjoy them while they are here.
It is something to try to do the assignments that I parcel out. I have been struggling over writing about my greatest or worst learning experiences for a couple of weeks now… Originally I was going to write about the birth and death of my daughter Jacqueline…but those 36 hours were really just 36 hours in my life (I may write about them later). Although the little time I had with Jacqueline, October 5-7, 1999, was powerful and is emblazoned in my memory, the impact that Jacqueline had on my life was far greater than those three days. 18 months after Jacqueline passed away, my brother Johnny at the age of 28 died of a heroin overdose. A week after my brother died, I gave birth to my son Braden, and 18 months later I gave birth to my daughter Georgia. 5 years later, my grandmother, Gladys passed away at the age of 96. In the last decade I have had a front seat to the cycle of life and it has provided me with my most poignant lessons.
In a way my daughter Jacqueline made me believe in nothing…but myself. Enduring losing her made me reconsider how I was choosing to live my life. Her loss led me to believing in myself in a way that I never had previously. I realized that I needed to be a force in my own life, that I could not allow myself to let life keep happening to me. If I was in an unacceptable situation, I needed to change it for me and for my children. Not taking control of my life had resulted in dire consequences for me, but more importantly for my children. If I did not become a force in my own life, I would continue in a destructive existence that was unfulfilling and suffocating. Jacqueline’s death and the feelings of loss that resulted, made me realize that life is finite and that I could not assume that things will work out because it should, shouldn’t it? I came to realize that I could not assume that the worst thing I could imagine would not happen – it already had. I got pretty good at imagining the worst things that could happen. As time continued to pass and I lost my brother and then my grandmother, I realized I could sit back and just let things keep happening to me or I could try to enact positive changes in my life.
On the plus side the losses I have experienced taught me that I am stronger than I ever imagined. I realized I can and will survive any situation in which I find myself. I have come to believe that there is power in feeling my losses, grieving them and then going on to live more fully, honoring those who are gone. It might sound cliché, but for me it is true that facing the sadness, the devastation, has allowed me to feel the joy that is possible in the simplest experiences like watching my other children as they grow, reading a book, walking outside, or laughing with a friend over nothing. I have realized that happiness is not necessarily a destination, but rather a matter of embracing and appreciating everyday moments as they are intermixed with the seemingly endless trials of life. There is no guarantee that people that are here today will be here tomorrow, people die, cherished friends fade in and out of our lives, so I want to appreciate and enjoy them while they are here.
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